A Japanese exchange student has opened up about the cultural differences of dating in America after a man she was seeing invited her over to his house to meet his family — and then told her he just wanted to be friends.

Yumeka Umemori, 21, who is attending college in New York, has been documenting her study abroad experience on TikTok, where she has more than 160,000 followers.

She recently went viral after opening up about a baffling dating mishap that never would have happened to her back home in Japan.

If women weren’t hard enough to understand, women from Japan make the already incomprehensible even more so. How do they accomplish this? Well before we begin let us with the same admonishment used in our Japanese Men article.

This is a snapshot of the stereotypical Japanese woman, with emphasis on stereotypical. As with any culture and people there is a generality however it certainly does not apply to all of its citizenry.

This article describes how young women in Japan transgress ideals of proper literacy, particularly notions about normative women’s writing, when they compose carefully wrought yet hard-to-read texts. Writing in this novel style serves as a generational and gendered identity marker, and elders and outsiders find it nonsensical, unfeminine and unsightly. In addition, the writing style itself demonstrates an expansionist stance through appropriation of multiple script sets, fonts and icons. The findings offer a corrective to scholarship on writing systems that routinely neglects the importance of a gestalt understanding of writing.

When I studied abroad in Japan years ago, I remember being struck by how many people in my program came because of a love for anime.

I also remember how many of those same individuals were anxious to date a Japanese girl — a phenomenon not uncommon to language schools and foreign exchange programs.

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“Some of my guy friends at school have admitted that they’ve got a bit of an Asian fetish,” says Emily Brown, a 25-year-old student at a language school in Fukuoka. “They’ll openly admit that they like Asian girls, and there’s also a fetish for foreign guys among Japanese women.”

This dynamic has led to terms like “gaijin hunters” and “yellow fever,” which have complex structural, racial and cultural dynamics behind them. In addition, fetishes and attraction don’t always impact what it’s really like to find love as a person living in Japan.